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Marriage Math: How 2 Become 1

Marriage Math: How 2 Become 1, Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Welcome to Marriage Math Class.

In school, I sometimes struggled in math. I mastered basic arithmetic. And as an abstract thinker, I soared in Geometry. 

Yet, theorems of Algebra threw me for a loop. I wondered if any of it applied in a practical way to life.

So for this article, let’s stick with the basics. 

What’s the only way two of anything becomes one? We take one away. Right? Two take away one equals one, (2-1=1). In mathematics, it works with apples or dogs or numbers.

And Scripture sheds a bright light on the concept in marriage. 

“The two will become one. So they are no longer two, but one” Mark 10:8 NLV.

You see, God’s teaching on marriage shows the answer always equals one. Unified for one purpose paints a picture of the bride of Christ, the church. Jesus taught His followers to be one as He and the Father are one. 

Then, how does this happen in marriage?

2 Become 1 

First, we need to jump back to the preceding verses. “From the beginning of the world, God made them man and woman. Because of this, a man is to leave his father and mother and is to live with his wife. The two will become one” Mark 10:6-8a NLV. 

Leave and live…leave parents and live with each other.

Two…come together. Yet, they merge into one. They not only become one in the sexual sense but also on other levels.

As an ordained minister, my husband, Mike, performs marriage ceremonies. He does such a great job making each wedding personal and beautiful. However, years ago at a ceremony, he mistakenly said, “One will become two.” Then he corrected it.

Sadly, it’s often our mindset going into marriage. One plus one equals two, (1+1=2).

Simple math addition. But marriage is never simple. It often turns into a difficult math problem, hard for us to calculate the answer. Still, God bases His marriage equation on oneness.

Oneness Tug-of-wars 

How do we become one from two? We are two different people with unique childhood experiences, personal interests, and individual ideas on life and family issues.

Only a few weeks after our wedding, my husband and I began competing in oneness tug-of-wars. We often butted heads on important decisions. Both of us even wanted our way in trivial issues. 

Marriage Math: How 2 Become 1, Photo by Andreas Rønningen on Unsplash

And the aftermath left us wounded, tattered, and wondering how to do this thing—two become one. 

Because Mike and I really tried to become one…one in union…one in every decision and issue. But we both carried past baggage that got in the way. Every time we attempted to move forward, we tripped over those unpacked bags.

Perhaps, we tried too hard. Or, maybe the answer lies in our effort. When marriage becomes a tug-of-war, we’ve attempted to do the work of the Holy Spirit.

The bottom line? We missed this vital aspect. Jesus is the Holy One in holy matrimony.

Jesus is the Holy One in holy matrimony. #marriage Click To Tweet

Marriage Math

Over the years, Mike and I received both high marks and less than passing grades in Marriage Math Class. Married 34 years this month (April 6), and in ministry all those years, we continue to learn about oneness.

According to Cambridge Dictionary, the suffix “ness” is added to adjectives to form nouns that refer to a quality or a condition. One-ness refers to the state of something. 

So, in marriage it comes from and through God.

And it doesn’t mean we sit down and do nothing. Instead, we must be intentional as husband and wife or the relationship will falter under the ideas of separate or mine.

Like separate bank accounts or separate lives where individual interests and personal achievements turn into a priority. Where neither husband or wife encourage or celebrate together-ness. There’s that suffix “ness” again.

The Sum of One

Two will become one in holy matrimony…in body, soul, and spirit. 

In body by the sexual union. One in spirit through spiritual values and connecting with God. Soul oneness by becoming soul-mates in sync with life issues and family living.

For two to become one, take “me” away and add Jesus. “Me” steps aside for “we.”

For two to become one, take “me” away and add Jesus. “Me” steps aside for “we.” #marriage Click To Tweet

Here’s one of the most important equations for our class. 

Marriage math: 1+1+1=1

Husband + Wife + Jesus = One

Marriage math: 1+1+1=1; Husband + Wife + Jesus = One Click To Tweet

Prayer: Lord, help us to remember oneness in marriage comes from You and through You. In the name of Jesus. Amen

Featured and top photo: free stock in Unsplash.

Middle photo by Andreas Rønningen on Unsplash.

Bottom photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash.

*Sometimes I participate in these link-ups:

Marriage Math: How 2 Become 1, Photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash

Ronja Oksanen/ #AboundingGrace, Rachel Lee #DestinationInspiration, Debbie Kitterman/#Dare2Hear, Lori Schumaker/#momentsofhope, Jaime Wiebel/#SittingAmongFriends, Crystal Twadell/Fresh Market Friday, Kelly Balarie/Purposeful Faith, Patricia Holbrook/Soaring With Him, Meghan Weyerbacher/TeaandtheWord, Lyli Dunbar/#FaithOnFire & Crystal Storms/Heart Encouragement.


© 2017 by Karen Friday, All rights reserved


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April 4, 2019 at 8:30 am | Uncategorized


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What a beautiful post, Karen! I’ve never seen “marriage math” explained better or with more clarity. Jesus is essential for the math to work. Period. We usually think we can do this equation ourselves. Nope. Jesus is required. I’m sharing this everywhere.

Karen says:

I agree, Jesus is essential for the math to work. 🙂 Thanks so much for your encouraging comment and for sharing this post, Melinda. Mike and I certainly don’t have marriage down to perfection, we just know Jesus is the Holy One in holy matrimony. Blessings my friend.

Wow, Karen, I love your lesson on marriage math! And yes, Jesus needs to be a vital part of that equation. He is what keeps us selfless in love for one another and focused on what’s truly important in a marriage.
Blessings, and Happy Anniversary!

Karen says:

Martha, thanks for the anniversary wishes. And, so true, Jesus keeps us selfless in love and focused on the most important part of the marriage equation…Him and oneness in Him.

What a great post! My husband and I have been married for over 40 years and there is still room for learning. 🙂

Karen says:

Wonderful, Melissa, that’s a great milestone! And it seems the one-ness lesson is part of the marriage equation we must remind ourselves of over and over.

And yet another reason I love you, I’m also an abstract Geometry thinker. Algebra makes me want to run for the hills. This is a great post! I love the ways you explain such an important concept. Our oneness is so much bigger than we understand. Wonderfully explained, Karen!

Karen says:

Stephanie, love that your an abstract thinker. We are soul-sisters. 😉 And thank you. So grateful Christ modeled oneness with the father for us in marriage. I pray we “leave” and “cleave” or “live” as one with Jesus binding us together.

sydell alford says:

You are awesome Karen.I love this post and how you explain the truth of God being in a marriage is GREAT.Marriage does take three to be complete.Choosing Gods love to be reunited as one is so important.Following Gods plan takes more than a woman and a man for sure,it takes oneness that can only come from Christ.Your marriage math is awesome…I love it!! Thank you sweet friend.Blesings to you.Im thankful for you.

Karen says:

Awe, thanks friend! I’m thankful for you too, you bless me. Sydell, I love how you said it takes three to be complete. Yes, it does…without Jesus in the equation, there’s not only a lack of oneness, but also a lack of hope for our marriage. With that in mind, may we remember:

Marriage math: 1+1+1=1

Husband + Wife + Jesus = One

Karen,
This is a beautiful post on marriage! Like you, I stumble on through still, finding that God really intended for my husband and I to be one with Jesus. Only when we’ve both strived to keep God at the center, have we discovered ourselves as a spiritual powerhouse for Christ! Still learning, but still believing, and definitely seeing the fruits! Much love, and may God continue to bless both of our marriages and ministries in Jesus’ name! 💙😊✝️

Karen says:

Angela, thank you for such sweet encouragement. Marriage is one of those areas where we need constant reminders and help from the Lord. After 34 years, my husband and I still end up in marriage math class sometimes.

“Lord, help us to remember oneness in marriage comes from You and through You. In the name of Jesus. Amen”

Happy Anniversary, Karen!

I was actually good at math, but I did not do well with marriage math. I was nobly selfless before marriage, but, after marriage, I realized I was arrogantly selfish instead. We both were.

Now, into our 27th year, I think we’re slightly better. Boy, I never imagined math could be this hard!

I appreciate this post. You itemized the math with clarity. Our marriage counselor/pastor told us to imagine a triangle. At the top tip is God and husband and wife are at the 2 bottom tips. The the triangle as a guide, the husband and wife are far apart. But as they get closer to God, they also get closer to each other.

Thank you for your clarity.

Karen says:

Thanks for the anniversary wishes, Stephen. And aren’t you so right about how hard marriage math can be! It’s not an easy task to come together as one. But I like how your counselor/pastor put it and have heard something similar. Growing closer to the Lord helps with the oneness equation. Thanks for commenting.

Cheryl Gerou says:

Great post! Thank you for sharing such a good explanation of marriage math. Happy to be your neighbor at the Fueled by Faith link up.

Karen says:

Cheryl, thanks so much. Pray to have more passing grades as the years continue. Blessings!

Happy Anniversary. Two becoming one is hard, hard work. Perhaps it’s good we don’t know how hard when we make our promises. May God help all to keep those promises. Thanks for the great example over the years.

Karen says:

Yes, Nancy, we are somewhat naive on our wedding day. But thankful God gives us the strength and help to keep our promises. Thank you!

Loved this post. Thank you four dedication to help strengthen our marriages. I think more instructions like this needs to be given to young couples.

Karen says:

Appreciate your encouraging words, Yvonne. Marriage math during marriage counseling? Not a bad idea. 🙂

Oh Karen, what a beautiful way to explain marriage, using “simple” math! You are right, the oneness of marriage in some ways is as mysteriously intertwined as the oneness of the Trinity. I like to thing that my husband and I make each other more, with the help of Jesus, of course. I think we would each be much more scant in what we offer the world. We have different strengths and can help lift the other in the areas we are weakest. So, though we give up our “me” mentality, we actually gain more as a result. Isn’t that just so God!!! Typical of His economy…less of “me”, means more of Him and more for my marriage. I like this math!

Karen says:

Melissa, I like how you said, “…the oneness of marriage in some ways is as mysteriously intertwined as the oneness of the Trinity.” I’m sure you and your hubby do make each other more with Jesus. Because it IS about more of God and less of “me.” Blessings sweet lady!

34 years is amazing! Happy Anniversary Karen! Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom.

I love your point that “me” steps aside for “we.” That’s an intentional step. Strong marriages don’t just happen. They are built intentionally. We cannot sit back and be passive, while expecting the kind of marriage God intends for us.

Karen says:

Thanks for the happy wishes, Jennifer. And, right, strong marriages don’t just happen on their own. Like your “intentional” step thoughts. I believe strong marriages are built one brick at a time on a strong foundation…Jesus.

Kristi Ann says:

Amen-Amein Sister in Christ-MESSIAH Jesus-Yeshua Karen!!

Our ONE True GOD the HEAVENLY FATHER CREATED ADAM and EVE for Each other!! ( Genesis 1:27 KJV )!!

There are a post on my website About Adam and Eve!!

Our ONE True GOD’S LOVE is ETERNAL THROUGH HIS SON Christ-MESSIAH Jesus-Yeshua for Today and Everyday Forevermore Everyone!!

I Love you all Everyone through Christ-MESSIAH Jesus-Yeshua, because HE LOVED EVERYONE FIRST!!

Love Always and Shalom ( Peace ), YSIC \o/

Kristi Ann

Karen says:

Thank you, Kristi Ann! Blessings!

Cindy Ingle says:

This was a great article. Thanks and happy anniversary to you both. In this world today marriage is too often abandoned.
It takes work for sure from both. I am appreciative when I see marriages going the distance in their relationships.
Our pastor had said in the past what if God didn’t create marriage to make you happy ,but make you holy.
It takes work to forgive and forget and show love.

Appreciate your example.
Cindy Ingle

Karen says:

Thanks so much, Cindy. And, I agree, culture today is very flippant in a mindset for marriage. To true forgive and show love to our spouses is work…but the Lord is our help…we look to Him to bind us together as one. I appreciate your comment. Thanks again! Blessings over your marriage.

Karen,
I, too, aced Geometry and struggled mightily in Algebra. In marriage mathematics, I love the idea of take the “Me” out of “We”. As selfish creatures, it’s often hard to put the whole before the parts. I especially like 1+1+1= 1. I don’t think a marriage can work any other way. We NEED the Holy Spirit to guide us and humble us and we need the grace that Jesus gives. Great post!
Blessings,
Bev xx

Karen says:

Hey Bev, I like this, “…it’s often hard to put the whole before the parts.” Yes! “Lord, help us become one and stay one in You. Holy Spirit, guide us and humble us in our marriage. Amen.”

Thanks for adding to our conversation. Blessings!

Well, for someone who claims to be “less than” at math, you have certainly aced the equation for a successful and God glorifying marriage!

Karen says:

Thank you, Michele. I might have aced the equation, but it’s one we never quit needing to apply and relearn over and over again.

Joanne Viola says:

Karen, I loved this post as I loved both algebra and geometry. We’ll be celebrating 40 years in May and we are still learning and growing. The beautiful thing about this “math” equation is that it never diminishes us. Instead we grow and thrive and flourish as we remain one in the One. Blessings!

Karen says:

Congratulations on 40 years, Joanne. What a testimony to a long-lasting marriage. May “we grow and thrive and flourish” in Jesus!

Dear Karen, this is the best math lesson I’ve ever been taught.
Blessings to you and Mike.

Karen says:

Thanks so much, Wendy. May we remain students of the Word AND students in God’s classroom for marriage math.

Bethany says:

So many great points here, Karen. A lot to think on!! I especially appreciate your point that the only holy one in holy matrimony is Jesus!

Karen says:

Thanks, Bethany. I ask the Lord to help me remember He’s the Holy One often. Because He is the only one who gets it right all the time and brings holiness into our marriage when we invite Him in.

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