3 Ways to Awaken Courage: Your True Self
By Lisa Murray
The truth is, sometimes I’m not fine. There are moments my day hasn’t gone great, and yes, some days the weather really does stink.
That’s what I want to say at least, but I rarely do.
How about you?
There are a lot of things about me I don’t say, many truths I keep tucked inside, hidden in the bottom drawer of my heart, for fear others wouldn’t want to hear about what’s really going on with me.
Somehow I believe if I let them see the real me, they might think I’m crazy, too much to handle. Or they might just reject me altogether.
Courage To Your True Self
So I’ve learned to edit myself. If we’re honest, I think most of us edit ourselves. We’ve learned to do a fair job stitching together the prettiest sides of ourselves to show people while keeping the worn and ragged edges hidden out of sight. We pray no one will notice and try to convince ourselves our patchwork looks as good as new. As long as no one gets too close.
Up close is where the reality of our threadbare and disheveled selves might poke through. Where the tears, the insecurities, the pockets full of unworthiness spill their ugly selves onto our identity. It isn’t pretty.
The problem is, all the years I hid my truest self, all the years I kept everyone at arm’s length, I also kept the beauty of intimacy and vulnerability from ever reaching my impenetrable, fear-filled heart.
Relationship is the casualty of a guarded heart, the victim of pretense and shame. #relationship @_Lisa_Murray Click To TweetAuthenticity at its core is transparency and admission of failure. It’s the rejection of insincerity and hypocrisy. It’s truth-telling about all areas of life, even our soul spaces, where our greatest fears and sorrows reside.
Brene Brown describes authenticity as, the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
Authenticity is a gift not just to ourselves, but to all of our relationships. Here are three ways you can awaken courage and let your true self shine through.
1.) Courage to own your identity as God’s beloved
The more we as Christians own our worth based on God’s incredible love for us, the more we can begin to see ourselves as worthy, not based on performance, certainly not based on perfection, but based on position. Upon whose we are. God’s beloved children.
Henri J.M. Nouwen describes, Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “Beloved.” Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.
We live in a cycle of highs and lows — from elation when we feel we have performed well to despair when we don’t receive the validation for which we are striving.
However, seeing ourselves as God’s Beloved, in whom He delights, is the strongest foundation for each of us to grow courageous, eager —to explore, to create, to dream, and possibly even to dare. To step into the destiny God has created for each of us and discover joy every step of the way.
Song of Solomon 4:7(NIV) shares, You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
Proverbs 31:25(NIV) adds, She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
Isaiah 62:3(NIV) declares, You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
Song of Solomon 2:10(NIV) tells us, My beloved spoke and said to me, Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.
Have you claimed your identity as His Beloved? If not, what stands in your way?
2.) Courage to surrender the urge to strive
Striving is a lethal drug for a perfectionist. We remain almost helpless to resist its power, its compulsion to prove, to perform, to achieve. Yet striving will almost certainly destroy us from the inside out. It fills us with fear and empties us of any courage or creativity.
Striving has been one of the fiercest competitors throughout my life, and I would dare say, it has gotten the best of me many times in the past. What makes surrendering the urge to strive so difficult is how intensely our culture celebrates it. We revere the pursuit of acquisition, we extol the virtue of accomplishment, and fantasize that rest is waiting for us just across the finish line. Until we cross the finish line, and realize that even here, there is no rest. Just another finish line, another demand, another task to prove our worth.
Martin Luther expressed, I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.
Once our worth is settled, we can rest in believing whether we succeed or fail, whether we are celebrated or not, whether we achieve everything we’ve dreamed, we are enough. Period. Our performance is not attached to our worth.
Psalm 46:10(NIV) exhorts us, Be still and know that I am God.
Matthew 11:28-30(NIV) beckons each of us,Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
What area are you striving in today? What can you do today to surrender your striving to God and find peace in resting in His love, His acceptance?
3.) Courage to focus on being more emotionally honest
Emotional honesty isn’t a permission slip to disrespect or diminish others. Emotional honesty simply means we become more intentional about accepting ourselves —our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, opinions, and perspectives —and we are not afraid to share appropriately and respectfully with those around us.
Psalm 32:1-2(NLT) states, Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
We tell ourselves:
If they knew how I really felt, they would think I was a mess.
Good Christian women are never disagreeable.
If I allow others to see the real me, they will reject me.
The real me will never be enough.
We can find healthy, compassionate ways to let our true selves shine through without being disrespectful or unkind.
The more we recognize our belovedness, the easier it is to risk potential ridicule or rejection from others because we don’t need their approval to feel good about ourselves. #approval @_Lisa_Murray Click To TweetMother Teresa shares, Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.
The more we risk being emotionally honest, we discover:
There are days when I am a mess. And others have their own messes, too. Why hide the mess?
Good Christian women can disagree with kindness, respect, and love.
By allowing others to see the real me, I create a safe place for them to reveal their real selves, too.
The real me is exactly who God created me to be.
If you find yourself longing to let go of the façade, craving a place that is real, you can begin today to cultivate authenticity in your life.
Awaken courage to let your true self shine through
- Own Your Identity as the Beloved. Your worth is settled.
- Surrender The Urge To Strive. You are enough.
- Focus on Being More Emotionally Honest. Let the real you shine through.
Authenticity embraces our healing journey in its totality —the journey toward accepting who we are, toward becoming more courageous, toward embracing who we are not yet, but will one day be. The journey is beautiful, it is hopeful. It is Christ in us, the way of peace.
Lisa Murray is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Jesus girl, and a recovering perfectionist. In her clinical practice she routinely guides individuals, couples, and families through seasons of brokenness and disconnection so they can experience the abundant life God has designed for them.
In addition to her book,‘Peace For A Lifetime: Embracing a Life of Peace Through Emotional Abundance,’ Lisa writes weekly at Lisa Murray Online, and regularly contributes to both the American Association of Christian Counselors website, and the International Christian Coaching Association website. Her articles have been featured at iBelieve.com, Crosswalk.com, (in)courage.me, Purposeful Faith, Arabah Joy, and Life Letter Cafe.
Her heart is to encourage and empower each of us —whether in our hearts, our marriages, or our faith —to cultivate healing and wholeness that will awaken a heart of peace. She and her husband live in Franklin, TN where she directs the Professional Counseling Ministry at her home church, Grace Chapel Leipers Fork.
The Book – Peace For A Lifetime
Facebook: Lisa Murray
Twitter: @_Lisa_Murray
Instagram: _Lisa Murray
Pinterest: Lisa Murray
Karen, thank you for sharing Lisa’s writing with us. they are all wonderful suggestions. I think I need to work on #3 the most. I tend to present only my best face to the world, to show “Everything’s OK” when it’s really not. I need to work on emotional honesty. Thank you for this encouragement.
I’ve grown to really not enjoy the “How are you?” question. It’s a cultural thing, but it’s an easy way to lie about how you’re actually doing. I do it all the time. So I’m learning how to be more honest when answering that question. I think the striving point hit the closest to home for me. I MUST remember my identity in Christ, otherwise my striving nature takes over! Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Lisa!
Such wonderful encouragement from Lisa today, Karen. Thanks so much for sharing!
Thank you, Martha! “You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.” Isaiah 62:3, NIV.
Laurie, Thank you for sharing! I do agree, emotional honesty is the hardest skill to learn. I was always trained to be pleasing, to always make others feel good. I remember my mom drilling in me the mantra, “If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.” While these teachings are good, they also teach us not to share our hearts, not to speak our deepest hurts, wounds, and questions to those around us, not to let others in. God wants us to speak the truth to others, but to do so in love. He wants us to feel the safety of allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with other people so that we can allow our true selves to shine through! Blessings to you Lisa
I have to agree, Emily! I have often hated the “How are you?” question. Yet the more I allow myself to be honest, authentic, the more freedom I offer others to do the same. Everyone feels safer to allow their true selves to shine through. Striving has always been my weakness, so I, too, have to continually return home to my Belodveness in Christ as my core identity, and REST in that to find freedom from my striving nature. Thank you for sharing today! Blessingsxoxo Lisa
Thank you, Martha, for stopping by today! I am so glad you were encouraged. When we encourage one another in Christ, the whole body is strengthened and edified. Be blessed today! Lisa
I especially love the Mother Teresa quote. Thanks and God bless!
Showing vulnerability, being humble and walking with God allows us to show our faith to others. What a great message! 🙂
Nancy – one of my favorite quotes! Being honest does make us vulnerable. But with our worth settled safely in Christ, we can step forward and choose to be vulnerable anyway. Blessings to you as well!
Yes, Melissa! We can be vulnerable because of whose we are, and on that basis alone we have the faith, the power, to step out and make God’s name famous to those around us! Thank you for sharing today! Blessings to you.
Thanks for this so guest post Karen and Lisa hits on great points and the conflict we face though hardly confess to. Being vulnerable and comfortable in our own skin is often compromised as adults. Early judgmental happening in our own home coupled with lack of unconditional love(and yes, even in the church) has plastered us with the protocol of how to present ourselves which leaves many longing for better intimate connection yet the insecurity to feel safe. Maybe I am too melancholy in my response but if we all felt safe and free to be our authentic self there is no telling how much contributions and talent streams would emerge. Many are wounded…and wound one another in the process. I say help us Lord, especially beginning with Believers, to demonstrate true love and acceptance to a world that looks to us for answers and question whether it is worth committing to Christ. Unhealthy striving because we feel we need to “do” in order to “be”. How the Lord wants us to rest in Him and be intimate and real with Him so He can instruct us in the way to go. May you and many ministers out there hear this clarion call that the church at large is not ok. Hurting but not safe to say so and even not honest with God who sees and knows us well!
Thank you, Valerie. Lisa’s post and words bring so much insight to us. And your words ring both true and reflective. I pray we would quit wounding one another in the name of our own insecurity and look to the Lord for the answers as you suggest. Not striving to do in order to be…love that. Appreciate your thoughts and how much value they added.
This definitely spoke to me: “Striving is a lethal drug for a perfectionist. We remain almost helpless to resist its power, its compulsion to prove, to perform, to achieve. Yet striving will almost certainly destroy us from the inside out. It fills us with fear and empties us of any courage or creativity.”
I’m a recovering perfectionist and so grateful Jesus loves me. I don’t have to strive for perfection anymore.
Carol, that spoke volumes to me as well since I’m a recovering perfectionist. I broke up with perfectionism years ago and on occasion renege during weak moments. But Jesus is the only loyal and trustworthy companion for our souls! Thanks for taking time to read and leave a comment on Lisa’s beautiful guest post.
Great post – I needed to hear this. As I am aging, I have found those self-doubting thoughts coming full-force, as if my true identity is locked into my beauty. This is my struggle right now as I see my aging face in the mirror. But I need to be authentic with the process, and I am sure many other women are doing through the same emotions with aging. It’s a good thing to share those feelings and then to encourage each other that we are not our bodies; we are God’s children, first and foremost. That is my mantra of late!
Isn’t it so powerful, Lisa. And I hear you and feel you on the identity issue being wrapped up in our outer beauty as the aging process happens for everyone. It can be tough, so I find myself asking the Lord to help me continue to find my true worth and value in the inner beauty I have because of Him. (By the way, you are a beautiful woman inside and out.)
Let’s pray: Lord, may our face display the beauty of Jesus, and our soul blossom with Your glory. Amen.”
Karen, thanks for this. I always appreciate Lisa’s wisdom wherever I find it, and this post resonates with me as an Enneagram 3–we’re so out of touch with who we are because we’re always projecting an image and checking off things on the to do list. If I’m not careful, I find myself becoming a shell of “what I do” instead of “who God made me” to be.
Michele, I wasn’t familiar with “Enneagram 3” so I looked it up and learned something new. I really relate to checking things off a to-do list. And, yes, may we find our true self in who God made us. Thank you!
I love this post! I needed it in the worst way. The quote by Martin Luter really stood out: “I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess.” Thank you, Lisa, for the encouragement to have this courage. 🙂 Thank you, Karen, for sharing this post on your blog.
I loved that quote too, Marcie. Thanks for stopping by and commenting on Lisa’s post.
Thank you for this post. My biggest struggle has always been with striving. I find myself thinking that I am not doing enough. Recently I am learning to “be” in the Lord, to remind myself that I am beloved as I am. This realization is so freeing! I especially appreciate the quote by Martin Luther.
Hey Mary, “Being in the Lord is so freeing.” It reminds me of my verse for 2019, “In him we live and move and have our being.” Acts 17:28
I love that Martin Luther quote. As a doer and a fixer I need these reminders regularly!
Me and you both, Donna! We’re thankful for Lisa pointing our hearts back to remember what is true about us in God’s Word.
This is good counsel, Lisa. I think my favorite part is about our being beloved. I like how you pointed out that this is positional, not based on performance and certainly not on perfection. We confuse this simple truth with what feels like the right thing or with the lies we’ve been taught through the years and by our society. And even in our confusion, we are beloved. Thank you for this encouragement.
That spoke to me as well, Stephen. We were created as God’s beloved, but we are taught to strive to earn love and the admiration of others. It’s opposite to gospel message. Thanks for commenting.
What an encouraging post! It is amazing how much I need the simple reminders that we are beloved. Our Christian lives are one of surrender, not striving. What a gift that keeps on giving! Thank you for sharing, Karen!
Wasn’t it a pure encouragement, Melissa? Yes, surrender instead of striving. Remembering we are beloved.