5 Ways to Stop Shifting the Blame
Sometimes no one is to blame but me.
Our tendency to shift the blame on other men or women started with the first man and woman.
When the first humans disobeyed God, it triggered a finger-pointing cycle still in motion today.
After Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, Adam told God it was the woman’s fault. When the Lord questioned Eve, she immediately blamed the serpent.
You see the pattern?
“It was her!” Or, “He’s to blame, not me!”
Who’s To Blame?
Let’s take a closer look. Pull the cameras in for a tight shot in the Garden of Eden.
In Genesis 3:11, the Lord God asked Adam straight up, “Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” Listen carefully to Adam’s response. “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Genesis 3:12 (ESV)
Initially, it appears he is putting total blame on Eve’s shoulders. Then we notice that little three letter word—you. God, it was the woman you gave me.
Adam blames God for his own wrongdoing by cause and effect. God, since you did that, it caused me to do this. Oh, how we also use cause and effect in blaming others.
Adam’s scripted lines from the movie trailer, God, You Messed Up Big Time: “If you hadn’t given me a woman, maybe this sin thing would not have gone down and we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. You ever considered that, God?”
However, God is the One who made the rules. When you create stuff like the universe and people, you get to decide those kinds of things. The Lord gave clear directions on living in the Garden and what fruit to eat. Disobedience is always our fault.
Our tendency to shift the blame on other men or women started with the first man and woman. When the first humans disobeyed God, it triggered a finger-pointing cycle still in motion today. #blamegame Click To TweetBlame and Excuses
In defense of women, I would love to give an awe-inspiring critic’s review about Eve’s star debut. I want nothing more than to rave on how she is the greatest first lady ever by taking full responsibility for her actions.
However, it would be false news reporting in the socialite section. So here’s the real scoop. Eve not only completely blames the serpent, she also justifies her behavior with a likely and perfectly understandable excuse. She was tricked.
Some translations say deceived or beguiled. And we often use the same excuse. We justify an action, even a major mistake or sin, based on the deception or trickery of someone else.
But Adam made excuses of his own. Even blaming his Creator. They both fell into the trap of what Psychologists call, The Blame Game.
Yet, if we look deep inside ourselves, we realize blaming others for our actions is a heart issue, a me issue, and a pride issue. And all of us suffer from the condition of a prideful, me-centered heart.
Because pride always sees me in the best light. And pride only sees me in the most desirable way. It says, Look how good I am and how bad you are. That’s why you are to blame for this mess.
Therefore, when we point fingers at God or someone else, we are not taking responsibility for ourselves…for “me.” Although there is an antidote.
Blaming others for our actions is a heart issue, a me issue, and a pride issue. And all of us suffer from the condition of a prideful, me-centered heart. But there is an antidote. #christian Click To TweetStop Shifting The B-L-A-M-E.
So let’s take a closer look. Pull the cameras in for a tight shot on me and my life.
5 ways to stop shifting the B-L-A-M-E.
Be aware of myself. This includes my own weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and temptations.
Let go of self-importance. I lead the way of self-sacrificing attitudes and seek the good of others.
Accept responsibility for me. I take ownership of my responses, reactions, behavior, choices, and sin. When necessary, I repent and seek forgiveness.
Measure my life against Scripture, not others. I meditate on God’s Holy Word, allowing it to transform me from the inside out.
Examine my heart. I realize my natural disposition for pride, deceit, selfishness, and depravity. I ask the Lord to create in me a new heart, a changed heart.
Prayer: Lord, help us take responsibility for our actions, mistakes, and sins. Change us from prideful to spirit-filled. Transform us from a people who blame to a people who are more and more blameless in You as we walk according to Your Word. Amen.
“Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD.” Psalm 119:1 (NIV)
Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the LORD. Psalm 119:1 #scripture #God Click To TweetWhich one of the ways to stop shifting B-L-A-M-E spoke the most to you?
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© 2019 by Karen Friday, All rights reserved
Such truth in your blog. I have been more aware of this as I watch my grandkids because they learn from a young age to blame others. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Thank you, Yvonne. Isn’t that the truth! Just like we don’t have to teach kids to be selfish…”My toy!”…we never have to show them how to play the blame game. May the Lord show us how to humbly accept responsibility for all our actions.
We must remember that every time we point a finger at someone else, three more are pointing back at us. Karen, we certainly need to examine our hearts and our motives when we too easily wish to blame others for what has gone wrong. Beautiful wisdom and inspiration here today.
Blessings!
I’ve heard that adage about fingers pointing back at us, Martha! And it’s spot on. I pray we measure ourselves against God’s Word and not others, allowing Him to transform us into people who don’t blame.
Good morning Karen, ooh this post is so clear, so needed in families, in churches, in our world. Thank you for your obedience, Karen, for bringing His truth to light with His grace. In Christ, Julie
Appreciate your encouragement, Julie! I was just telling someone today how this message is needed for culture AND the church. So we are thinking alike. 🙂 But I like how you added in “families.” Because it can be easy to blame someone living under our roof or someone in our extended family for something we are mostly responsible for. It’s my hope and prayer to take this message to heart and let the Lord help me.
Oh, how good I am at blaming. I’m learning to just accept my role and apologize fully without excuse or justification. No matter how much I want to!
Rebecca, I relate to how you said, “accept my role and apologize fully without excuse or justification.” Making excuses and attempting to justify our missteps often comes naturally too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I’m familiar with shifting blame. It’s much easier to think someone caused me to fail rather than do the hard work of self-reflection. I’ve gotten better with age, but in my youthful arrogance, it has been hard to acknowledge the failure is mine. I will say though, this shouldn’t lead to a defeatist attitude. I am far from perfect, but if I let it, the failures will pile up and convince me I’m worse than I am. I’m suddenly taking more than my share of responsibility for circumstances in my life. That’s equally damaging to my relationship with God as shifting blame.
I think humility is really the solution. It takes a right view of ourselves, through God’s eyes, to truly see where we’ve failed but also where we’re loved.
Chip, that’s good insight about this not leading to feeling defeated. This is really about humbly taking ownership of our actions, then repenting to the Lord where we are always given His great mercy and forgiveness (because we are so loved), or making amends with others if necessary. It’s accepting blame, but NOT shame. Appreciate your input.
A very inspirational message. Thank you so much.
Thanks, Melissa. Pray we learn to lead the way on not shifting the B-L-A-M-E.
Karen, I love how you teach both the truth and grace of God’s Word again and again! You really pinpointed this one – the sinful, prideful bent toward blaming others. Whew, how easy this is to do! It wasn’t until the past few years that I noticed how Adam actually blamed God and Eve demeaned herself by saying she was tricked, rather than own up to her decisions. Yet somehow this echoes in my own ears. Have I blamed God at times? Have I made sorry excuses for poor choices? Thank God for His faithfulness, patience and mercy. I love your helpful suggestions. May we lay our lives before our God, that He may lift us and help us follow Him more closely. Bless you and your ministry, my sister!
You’re such a sweet encourager, Melissa. You bless me. And yes, blaming is so easy for us as humans, just like the first humans. I guess Adam and Eve passed this tendency onto us through the sinful nature we all are born with. And like your reflection on considering if maybe we, too, have blamed God for something that was clearly our own fault! I’m going to be praying the prayer more often these days: Lord, help us take responsibility for our actions, mistakes, and sins. Change us from prideful to spirit-filled. Transform us from a people who blame to a people who are more and more blameless in You as we walk according to Your Word. Amen.
All letters of your acrostic “hit home” with me Ms. Karen, but if I had to choose the one that heated my tootsies the most it would be”M-Measure my life against scripture and not others.” That’s something, when honest with myself, I do far too often. I call it “being the Pharisee on the street corner syndrome”, where I can try and justify that I may not be perfect, but I’m better than this other person. Ouch! I love how you spoke of “Pointing Fingers.” It reminded me of something I learned many years ago. “When you are pointing your finger in blame at someone else, remember there’s three pointing back at yourself.” Great post Ms. Karen. Thank you ma’am and God’s blessings.
J.D. “heated my tootsies,” hilarious way to say that! 🙂 And oh, brother, I relate to measuring myself against people more than I care to admit. Yet, I don’t want to be that pharisee on the corner. Instead, I want a humble heart toward God as I look at the real me against what His Word says. If I read and meditate on the attributes and life of a Christ-follower, it lowers the odds of me seeing myself as anything other than through my identity in Christ…and not blaming others! Always appreciate your insight and input. God bless!
Karen, It is our tendency to shift the blame and yet we often don’t want to admit to it! This is such an applicable post. Love your easy to follow and remember acronym.
Blessings, friend!
Yep! It’s easy to do but hard to admit. Funny how those kind of things work that way. 😉 Thanks about the acronym, praying the Lord gives me the strength and humility to do it in my life.
When we look at Christ the Lord crucified we will learn that He has taken all our blame and paid all our debts . He has reconciled us to God .There is threfore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus our Lord . This is grace , mercy , love of the Lord towards us which we can receive through faith in Him .
Amen! Jesus took on our blame and shame, there’s no reason to pass the buck to others or not enter the holy of holies asking for forgiveness with true repentance!
It’s terrible how often I jump to the conclusion that someone else moved my stuff–or did something that –when I think about it–I realize I DID IT. It seems so natural to feel the animosity of someone’s injustice toward us–or just their carelessness when all along it’s our own fault.
Yep, you hit this one dead on.
Perfect examples, Nancy. Drawing those quik conclusions and false assumptions about someone and something in only moments seems to be our specialty as humans. Only God changes us and helps us overcome this faulty thinking and perspective.
Spot on and beautifully written, Karen. When you consider the vast size of the Garden of Eden, a space that would span from the Black Sea to well over into Egypt, east to west, and the fact that it was heavily forested then, to find themselves standing near the ONE TREE that was forbidden, it’s pretty obvious who is to blame. Like them, we still get as close to sin as we can, flirting with the danger, rather than running in the opposite direction. Great tips for change that you’ve provided! First, let’s point the finger at ourselves. We’ve all sinned and have done was is not pleasing in God’s sight. Lord, have mercy!
Thanks for bringing in the specifics about the Garden of Eden, Melinda. Those details about the back story make it even more apparent of all the ways Adam and Eve had to escape temptation and sin…as we do today! Yes, the finger is pointing back at me while my hand is raised to God to help me to obey Him and please Him in every way.
Incredibly important, and a topic that has been on my heart today. Thank you for this, Karen! Owning our role in our mistakes is humbling and a good step forward in our spiritual growth.
Appreciate that, Jessica. And I couldn’t agree more in how owning our role starts us on our way to spiritual growth. Disobediance and avoidance of ownership when we mess up only stunts our spiritual growth.
My desire to be right can sure lead me to BLAME behaviour in many of the points! And leaves unrest in my heart, my mind, and soul. I think part of it stems from wanting to be known to others, yet God knows me. When resting in that His promises, we no longer feel such an urge to impress and need to be right. I’m not quite there every moment for sure! And thankful for His grace.
Hey Lynn, I like how you said when we rest in God’s promises, we don’t need to impress others or be right. Good insight. Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts on the blame game.
What a great acronym!! I most definitely say that E stood out. It’s something that I always want to ask of God because I want my heart to be molded by Him, to be transformed and to ask Him to create a clean heart in me is a specific prayer I pray often! Truly blessed my heart as I know there are times I fall right into the trap of the blame game.
Thanks, April. Our heart and the transformation of it to the state God intended is such an important part of the Christian life and journey. Your prayer for a clean heart is a good desire for real change, for our heart is the core of who we really are! Thanks for commenting!
It’s so much easier to blame others than ourselves. 🙁 But it’s not right. Thanks for these reminders to stop shifting the blame. Examining our own heart isn’t always a fun experience but a necessary one.
We inherited this habit of blame from our spiritual ancestors. But we have the opportunity to break the chain of blame. Thanks, Lisa!
Yikes, I feel like hiding a bit. Yes, I am guilty of trying to shift the blame. Great words of wisdom here. Thank you for sharing with us over on the Grace & Truth Christian Link-Up. Sharing your post in many places. Maree
You’re wecome, Maree Dee. I’m enjoying the posts you share and thank YOU for providing the link-up. And, yes, we all relate to the “hiding, then blaming” feeling that first started with Adam and Eve. May the Lord help us break free from the blame game!