Why We Never Stop Pursuing our Spouse
There’s one thing about a love story that’s my favorite part, pursuing one another.
It goes something like this.
Guy meets girl. A mutual interest piques. So the couple dates and spends time together.
Love grows and blooms until the storyline reaches an apex, “Will you marry me and be mine forever?”
But there’s something we often overlook in the best love stories: both guy and girl actively pursue each other.
Most of our own love stories followed the same narrative. During the dating period we pursued and loved our spouse with all our energy and they likely reciprocated. Think back, this was my experience, was it yours?
Sadly, once we are married, the pursuing usually comes to a screeching halt. But that’s not what God intended.
What Pursuing Means
What does pursuing really mean? Take a look at these definitions:
Pursuit – interests and attempts to achieve something. (Collins Dictionary)
Pursue – to follow in order to overtake; to engage, chase. (Merriam-Webster)
Pursuit – an effort to secure or attain. (Dictonary.com)
Pursuit – the act of striving to gain or accomplish something. (The Free Dictionary)
Now that we see what pursuing means, it gives us insight into the reasons why it usually stops after we marry. Notice the words above: achieve, secure, attain, gain, and accomplish.
When the pursuing ended with what we wanted, we got the guy or girl, what reason is there to pursue now?
Why Pursue Now
Yet, even after over three decades of marriage, I still want my husband to pursue me. And he wants me to pursue him. But we’ve both been guilty of losing sight of pursuing one another.
A lack of pursuit not only causes a decline in intimacy as a couple, but also creates a staleness within a marriage.
Maybe we wrongly assume, “Only dating couples pursue each other.” So not true.
The times my husband and I discussed our need to be pursued, we expressed feelings like:
- I need the certainty you still desire me.
- It disappoints me when you pursue other things, but not me.
- I fear those early days of pursuit were just for dating and honeymoon periods.
- I experience a loss of value that I am no longer worthy of pursuit.
God Stays in Pursuit of Us
The biblical storyline of love shows God pursuing His people from the beginning, in the middle, and through to the end. And God pursues each of us with a desire and passion and extravagant love to win us over, to secure us for His own.
Here’s the best part, God stays in pursuit of us daily as the lover of our soul.
God pursues each of us with a desire and passion and extravagant love to win us over, to secure us for His own. Here's the best part, God stays in pursuit of us daily as the lover of our soul. Click To TweetIn the same way, godly love helps us pursue our spouse with desire and passion and extravagant love as our soulmate forever, daily keeping the love alive through pursuit.
1 Corinthians 13 is called the love chapter. Verses 4-8 highlight love’s attributes such as kind, patient, not arrogant, doesn’t take into account wrongs suffered, selfless, and rejoices in the truth.
And the last verse states, “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 (ESV)
Godly love pursues our spouse with desire and passion and extravagant love as our soulmate forever, daily keeping the love alive through pursuit. Click To TweetPursuing Love
So it’s interesting that the first sentence in the next chapter starts out, “Pursue love.” 1 Corinthians 14:1a (ESV)
Let that sink in…pursue love.
Dear friends, this pursuit of love includes our spouse and not only after we’ve captured them for our very own. But also pursuing now, today, and every day.
1 Cor. 13 describes love, then chapter 14 says to pursue love in v. 1. Dear friends, this pursuit of love includes our spouse and not only after we’ve captured them for our very own. But also pursuing now, today, and every day. Click To Tweet
Remember back to dating your spouse and the ways you pursued each other. Make your spouse feel special, valuable, certain of your desire, and worthy of your pursuit.
If you missed it, last week we discussed 10 Marriage Blessings to Never Take for Granted.
Sometimes I participate in these link-ups:
Legacy Linkup/Inspire Me Monday/Tell His Story/Recharge Wednesday/Let’s Have Coffee/Tune in Thursday/Heart Encouragement/Embracing the Unexpected/Candidly Christian and Faith On Fire.
© 2021 by Karen Friday, All rights reserved
Such a good analogy between our marriage and our walk with God!
Thank you, Ava. I’m so thankful God stays in pursuit of us daily as the lover of our soul.
Absolutely, Karen! If we don’t want our marriage to become stale, we need to be mindful of constant pursuit, treasuring daily the shared love and devotion. I’m so glad that God never stops pursuing us!
Blessings!
I’m glad the Lord continually pursues us with His great love and devotion, Martha. May this be the same in our marriage. God bless!
Wow! Can only add an “Amen” to this Ms. Karen. Such an important topic. Too often, we pursue the goal until it’s achieved, then it’s forgotten or laid aside. I oft wonder, what happened to the passion and zeal we had for the goal during the pursuit? Did the goal becoming a reality make it less valuable? If it did, then was it a goal worth pursuing anyway? Lots of food for thought here ma’am. I’m sure God never stopped pursuing me; and I pray each day I am pursuing more of Him.
“Did the goal becoming a reality make it less valuable? If it did, then was it a goal worth pursuing anyway?” Those are great reflections, J.D. And they drive home the point so well that if someone was worth the pursuit in the beginning, shouldn’t this someone still be worthy of pursuit?! Yes!
Thank you for the godly reminder to pursue our spouse. It is easy to forget that with the day-to-day grind.
It certainly is easy to let pursuit slip away from us. I pray the Lord reminds us of His pursuit and helps it spill over into our marriage.
My husband and I continue to pursue each other. From love notes, to acknowledging when the other person has taken care of a task, to finding laughter and joy in the simple things, our love grows every day. God is with us in our marriage and we are thankful.
I like your examples, Melissa. We forget pursuit can look different today than yesterday and even years ago. Appreciate your thoughts!
Beautiful post and analogy. I love your thoughts on marriage and our relationships with Christ. We too continue to pursue each other too. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Yvonne. The fact that the Lord pursues us is such a great love and amazing thought, I so want it to transfer into my marriage as much as possible!
Karen you are right. We both want to be persued and know we are still worthy of them expending some effort to win us. The goal is not to get married, or we stop the pursuit. The goal needs to be something that keeps us working. Like a stronger and healthier marriage. And yes, God never stops perusing us, and for that I am so thankful.
Great insight, Theresa. Love how you note there should always be a greater goal, “like a stronger and healthier marriage.” Or else the pursuit stops as we become complacent in the relationship. Thanks for adding to the conversation.
My parents have been married for 62 years. I’m at my parents’ home right now helping my mother care for my father, who has dementia. In spite of this latest challenge, they still pursue one another. Mother does all she can to make Daddy’s life comfortable and healthy. She protects him from prying eyes and guards his dignity. Daddy still looks at Momma with loving eyes, perking up immediately whenever he hears her voice, and even flirting with her. His pursuit makes her smile. This is true love. I hope to love my own husband this well.
Wow, Melinda! That’s such a milestone so many never reach. Sadly, because of divorce. But sometimes it’s when “death” really does part a couple. Your mother seems like a loving and caring spouse to care for your dad right now…”in sickness.” Glad she has you to help. They seem to have a sweet love between them. Beaufiful love story of pursuit even in the hardest of times. Thanks for sharing with us all what that looks like.
It’s interesting for us and that we pursue each other in different ways now than we did when we were first married or dating. Our 29th wedding anniversary is coming up in May, and with time and maturity, we still pursue each other but just in different ways. I think it’s similar to our relationship with God, as you pointed out. Thank you for your post!
Lisa, you make a great point. Pursuing doesn’t have to look the same now as it did in the beginning. Ours looks different too. What’s important is that we pursue. Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary!
Amen Sweet Sister in Jesus-Yeshua Christ-Messiah Karen!!
Goodnight and MAY our ONE true GOD the HEAVENLY FATHER Bless You ALL through HIS ONE and only SON JESUS-YESHUA CHRIST-MESSIAH and Your Families and Friends!!
GOD BLESS ALL my Sisters and Brothers in Christ Jesus-Yeshua and my Messianic Jewish Sisters and Brothers in Christ-Messiah Jesus-Yeshua and my Devout Jewish Sisters and Brothers and Your Families and Friends!!
I Love ❤ you all Everyone through Jesus-Yeshua Christ, because HE LOVED EVERYONE FIRST!! Praise Jesus-Yeshua Christ for Today and Everyday!!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL✝️!!
Love ❤ Always and Shalom, YSIC \o/
Kristi Ann
Amen sweet sister! God bless you and your ministry!
You’re so right that we desire to be pursued. And how beautiful that God pursues us too! Wonderful message here, Karen. God bless!
Thank you, Nancy. It’s almost unfathomable how the God of the universe pursues us!
Pursuing our spouses is so important because none of us want to be taken for granted, so we shouldn’t take our spouse for granted either. I want my husband to know I still want to be with him, and he with me! Thanks, Karen.
Yes, Lisa. My blog last blog post talked about not taking our spouse for grandted and the marriage blessings the Lord has given us to enjoy!
If we don’t pursue our spouse, someone else will! And that, dear reader, breaks the heart of God!
Agree 100%, Barb! How sad to let that happen. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Oh Karen, what a beautiful reminder, both in giving and receiving love from God AND our spouses. The gift of marriage is a sacred gift. May we never take each other or the gift of a Christian marriage for granted. Thank you for your wonderful encouragement!
Melissa, marriage is a sacred gift straight from our heavenly Father who created it in the first place. Even when I think of wedding vows, I’m reminded of the importance of pursuit!
GREAT analogy! God never stops pursuing us. We should also pursue God… and our spouse, too!
Thank you, Jessica. I pray the pursuit of God and our spouse takes top spot in our relationship goals.
Excellent post! It is vital that we constantly affirm our spouses as we pursue a growing relationship with them.
Couldn’t agree more, Janice. Thank you!
Karen, I love this. As I read your words, I thought back to when my husband and I are the closest with each other. It’s when we choose to connect. We’ve had a challenging year to date, and we’ve talked a lot more, grappling with issues and emotions from what we’ve walked through with extended family. I think pursuing also means pursuing that connection with our spouse, being intentional to share our hearts and to set aside the other things we’ve worked on to give each other our full attention.
Great post!
Such good points, Jeanne. Pursing connection is so vital in a marriage, especially sharing our hearts and giving attention…being present in the present.
Amen Karen, thank you for this blessed post. So wonderfully spoken. I’ve paused to reflect upon your words here. Blessings.
If we should pursue anyone when we think of pursuit, it should be our spouse even after marriage is well under way.
Karen I loved this blog. It is so true! I no longer have my husband with me. He is in Heaven. But in 35 years ,as a general rule, our love did not get stale. I think we truly pursued each other. You give wonderful advice followed by Scripture. You are ministering especially to God’s women. Keep up the good work. Your reward will be great in Heaven. I love you.
Awe, thank you sweet Boots. And I have no doubt you and Paul pursued each other daily and fervently as your one true love. Your marriage set an example to others around you and those who watched from a distance. I love you dearly, friend.
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